The “Gray Haired Hotties” Double Standard

posted in: Grey is the New Blond | 2

About three months ago, a friend of mine posted a French article on her Facebook page with a title equivalent to “Gray Haired Hotties” (by the way, the paraphrase is solely my own).

Before I proceed with my rant, because rant I will, I must preface that never have I been attracted to a man on appearance alone.


My Motto

My motto has always been (for men as well as women) that “a beautiful face and body could house a total jerk.”  Being a nincompoop has no physical markings (sadly).

Therefore, being considered attractive – or “hot” as some prefer to state it – doesn’t do much for me.

I am rather pragmatic when it comes to physical appearance. A body is an envelope for a soul, a lodging of sorts. It is a shell which houses a person.

We have all met beautiful people – by the world’s standards which as a side note, change with the seasons – who lost all outward signs of attractiveness within five minutes of meeting them. Likewise, we have also met people, which would be considered unattractive or “homely,”  we found utterly beautiful because indeed, they were magnificent beings no matter their outer casing.


No Judgements

My intent is not to stand in judgment of those who may feel differently than I do. I solely shared my views for the simple reason that I believe they are pertinent to this blog post.

I did not follow the link to the article because I desired to see “gorgeous” men but rather because I was curious to know what the standards of beauty for men over 50 were.

It is not their physiques which struck me but rather, their hair color. Every single one of these men’s hair was either all white or at the very least salt and pepper. This is the fact which aroused in me the following rant.

The Rant about the Grey Haired Hotties

I have yet to see an article about middle-aged women – with grey or salt and pepper hair – who are attractive or “hot.” While men of a certain age who proudly wear their sparklies are called “distinguished,” women who do the same are told they look old and unsexy. Some have been even called hags or told: “how you will find – or keep – your man looking like this?” Often – and grievously – other women are their worst critic.

The double standard is rampant and blatant.

It is as if sex and hair color are related.

Somehow, for women exclusively, sexuality seems to be analogous to the pigmentation of their mane as Samson’s strength (in the Bible), was related to the length of his hair.

I find the whole idea utterly assinine.


Gray Haired Hotties


IMPORTANT: I asked for some women who choose to keep their hair natural to share some pictures with me. Every picture on this post is of real and beautiful women who have graciously shared them with me as well as permitted me to use them on this blog. 


Hair Color and Sex

White hair – or salt and pepper hair – does not usher the end of a woman’s sexuality nor the end of her attractiveness. Indeed some men may find gray hair a turn-off. Great!  Not the kind of men I would want as a partner anyway.

Moreover, women have far more depth to be reduced solely as sexual beings. Hello people! There is indeed more to life than sex no matter how fun the activity.

I never had the desire to be viewed as a sex object anyhow, an idea I find entirely dehumanizing.


People of the World

Beyond the basics of male and female, the world is full of people who are vastly different. Some are tall, some short, some are lean and yet others, plump. Human variety by no means ends there. There are many adjectives used to describe people: French, Italian, Chinese, South African, blond, red-haired, brunette, blue-eyed, browned-eyed, vivacious, shy, courageous, strong, talkative, humble, honest, deep, shallow, wounded, survivor, giving, selfish, young, etc.

This list is almost never-ending.

One single person will be described by many such adjectives. To reduce anyone to “sexy” and that exclusively based on hair color is beyond shallow and half-witted (in my humble opinion anyway).


One Final Question

Moreover, I have often wondered who the puppeteers behind all the new fashion ideas and beauty standards are.

Most of us are thoroughly brainwashed.

There was a time when people wore white wigs to be more attractive, and now we cover the white. The standards by which people are judged to be beautiful – or not – vary from season to season.

Indeed, we all can see that the standards of beauty have changed drastically over the centuries. Have you ever wondered who calls the shots?

Who determines the “in” colors for the next season or the shape of haircuts for the year?

No Pink This Year

When my mother was still of this world, living in France, she used to call me and ask such questions as “I want to send you a new top, what color would you prefer?”  Often, her answer to my color choice was thus: “can’t, the colors for this winter are x,y, and z.” To which my reply was: “seriously? I can’t get a pink shirt if it is not “in?” Who says?”

Who decided Twiggy was going to be the face of beauty in the 70s? Or that white wigs were “the thing,” during George Washington’s time?

Far too often, women willingly alter their appearance to be seen as “beautiful.” We often fear aging and the loss of our physical appearance more than lack of character.

To me, this is madness.


Rock You

You are uniquely you. Don’t try to be someone else to bend to the whims of God knows who. Rock YOU and be comfortable in your own skin.

I will end my rant with one of my favorite quotes, attributed to Oscar Wilde:

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.




Thank You to these Gray Haired Hotties




2 Responses

  1. Deena Peterson

    Two words.

    Helen. Mirren.

    I love my silver strands, and quite a few of my daughter’s friends are a bit jealous of how gorgeous they look!

    Not the purpose of your post, but I couldn’t resist!

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